Adieu 2018

As I get ready to step into 2019 from 2018, I look back upon 2018 as a year which was bittersweet.

Bitter, because it threw up fresh challenges which I was unprepared for and which tested my financial strength and mental power. There were health concerns of my fast ageing parents which threw everything off gear for 2 months; there were personal problems of getting used to lack of energy on my part and of course, the pressure to get used to surviving in a tough job environment.

Sweet, as I could garner enough financial and mental strength to tide over these road-bumps and still be there to look back on these as a survivor. I daresay, I can look back on these moments and say that I managed with pride. Also, I do look forward to the next year as my intuition keeps on hinting that there would be a positive twist in the year.

Also, every year my daughter grows, not only in age, but as a person and her personality development till date has left me pleasantly surprised. She continues to be a major source of sustenance for me.

Adieu 2018, as a battle hardened, balding, greyed and grizzly me gets ready to take on 2019.

Haar Jeet

Happy 6th Birthday my dear. Below is my birthday Gift to you.

হারজিত

ঘূম থেকে উঠেই হারতে থাকি ...

রাস্তায় পথ চলতে চলতে, গাড়িতে চড়তে চড়তে ,

ফাঁকা চোখে বাইরে তাকাতে তাকাতে,

হারতে থাকি।

অফিস এর কাজ করতে করতে, ফাইল সই করতে করতে,

বড় সাহেবের চোখ রাঙ্গানি সইতে সইতে ,

হারতে থাকি।

অর্থের খোঁজে হাহাকার করতে করতে, চাহিদা মেটাবার ব্যারথতায় পুড়তে পুড়তে,

কিছু না করতে পারার বেদনা সইতে সইতে,

হারতে থাকি।

তবু দিনের শেষে তোর ছোট্ট দুটি হাত যখন জড়িয়ে ধরে আমায়,

সব হারানোর ব্যাথা ভুলে জিতে যাই আমি ,

হারতে হারতে। ।

দাদু

দাদু

একটা ট্রেন ছুটে আসছে।

তীব্র গতি , থামার উপায় নেই।

বৃদ্ধ চলেছেন সেই লাইন ধরে, 

তার আজ ফেরার তাড়া নেই।

ট্রেন চলে গেল

বৃদ্ধ চলে গেলেন

থেকে যাবে রেশ

আর বেদনাময় এই শেষ ! 

Hothat Prouro

Jaanish, aei bochor ami boimela jaini! Jetei parini.

Icchey chilo khuub – jaemon proti bochor thakey. Kintu parini.

Anekei  hoyto ba bolbey tatey khotita ki holo!!

Asholey boimela ta aamar shathey oshonkhyo boier ‘khulley aam’’ romance.

Jaanish , aei bochor ami Eden Gardens jaini. India er Khela thaka shorteo .

Ticket chilo , jaemon protibar thakey. Kintu parini.

Aabar aeki proshno! Tatey khotita ki holo???

Asholey Eden ta amar swapner khelar sathey amar aek byaktigoto romance.

Jaanish, aei bochor ami Jamshedpur er barite jaini.

Khub icchey korey din charek katiyae ashar. Kintu sujog hoy na.

Onekei bhabbey, giye hobey ta ki. Baba, Ma, shobai to achey aei Kolkatay.

Asholey Jamshedpur amay sikhor er taaney kaachey taaney.  

Aar niye ashey oshonkhyo opotto sneher romance.

Jaanish, aajkal ami cholonto garitey boi portey pari na.

Garitey onek boi achey. Chokher shomosshao nei.

Sabai bolbey, bhaloi hoyechey. Cholonto garitey boi pora theek noy.

Asholey pathcholti boi pora ta rastar klanti kae shoriyae manshik obokash er romance.

Jaanish, amar aekhon boro gaari, boro chakri, bhora songshar.

Kintu choto choto romance gulo choley gaechey shomoy er aaraley.

Shomoy jae amar kach thekey shomoy kedhey nilo, sheta bhalo holo ki mondo ?

Uttorer opekhhay kokhon jaeno prourottey pounchey gaelam.

Looking back on 2016

Another year draws to an end. Another one looms ahead.

Last year, at about this time I felt that I had just swam the Amazon chased by the crocodiles after my own boat got wrecked and got away with some lost limbs. But the overriding feeling was that of having got away.

This year I had a new rented boat with me, all new and shiny and fitted with some gadgets. The ride has been smoother and more comfortable. But having said that, the trip forward has forebodings of unknown. The shine of the boat is gone, the water is showing signs of early choppiness and I just sense that a few crocs may rear their heads again. Maybe these ones latched on to the rear of the boat and are waiting to snap again. It is just good that I do not own the boat this time.

Enough of rhetoric and imagery!

2016 would remain special because we could celebrate two unique occasions—the golden jubilee of my parents marital life and the attainment of 5 years by my daughter. Two occasions where I put in my whole effort and barring a few small blemishes, managed to do justice to expectations. That is important because living upto expectations are the biggest challenges of life.

This year was more financially comfortable and I believe I made a successful transit from being an entrepreneur to a domesticated obedient worker. It was the need of the year and I proudly claim that I managed to do it without much ado. Only the death of a few dreams ended up being collateral damage.

My daughter grew up this year. She continues to stun me at times when she lowers her guard and I feel surprised to see how well she hides her real self. I hope that I live up to her levels.

My parents grow older and every year takes a bigger bite into their health. A matter of concern about which I can do nothing!! I feel helpless but that is perhaps inevitable. The umbrella under which I grew up continues to become thinner every year.

And friends!! What would I have done without them!!!  Thanks for being there once again.

ADIEU 2016!! Thanks for teaching me that you are only as good as what the others perceive you to be and it’s the results as expected and interpreted by the person facing you and not the reality which matters in the end.

The Golden Moment

50 years is a long time.

Living together for 50 years is a helluva long time.

It speaks of immense patience served with generous dollops of love, sacrifice, ability to fight odds without giving an inch and garnished with respect for each other.

It is an achievement which everyone does not  have the ability to reach.

On the 10^th of July 2016, my parents just did that. They completed a journey of 50 years of roller coaster married life full of the proverbial ups and downs.

Being their only child I had the privilege to share 47 of these glorious years – and it has been more of a joy ride than a bumpy one for me, thanks to the cushion laid out on my pathway by my parents.

Maaaan, am I lucky and proud!!!

On the 10^th when I was asked to speak on the occasion in front of a gathering consisting of family members who had gathered to celebrate the occasion, I found myself at a loss of words. After all, what do you say about someone to whom you owe your existence and sustenance. Does one eulogise? Or wax eloquent on the relationship high points? Or does one recount the golden days of the childhood? Or even joke about the rare differences of opinion? 

You do not thank or speak to the pillars of your life. You just hug them and hope to hold on to them for your entire life.

So, I took the easy way out. I just let my emotions take over. I said mighty little, most of which was incoherent babble.

 But hopefully people understood that I meant nothing more than the following:-

‘Ma and Baba, may I have the honour of being your child for all my subsequent lives?”

That sums it all I guess.

2015 -- The annual round up

The year-end synopsis is well due I guess. Also, I should follow the ritual that I had started about 3 years back—Looking back at the year passed and end it with an eye to the future.

Well, here goes …..

2015 – A watershed year surely in my life ; a year that pushed me into the abyss of financial trouble with all sources virtually drying up. It was an hourly fight for creating funds for survival. Having said that, this was also the year where benefactors loomed up and lent me their shoulders to help me scrape through at the very last moment.

Maitreyi De Sarkar, Shubhayu Sengupta, Anannya Chakraborty and Antora Chauhan—if you are reading this – I owe you all big time and would pray to the almighty to provide me with the necessary muscle to shore you up if, God forbid, you happen to land in a dump. Even when the accounts get settled, these debts would remain unpaid as it was not only the finances but the psychological boosters given by you which pulled me through.

This year would also surprise at the very end with me deciding to leave business and take up a job again after 8 long years.6 months ago, I would have scoffed at the possibility of such occurrence as frivolous and impossible. This goes to show how the plans for the future are best left to the almighty.

The consistent positive has been my daughter. She has been a constant source of joy and fun and has grown every hour. Also, a word for my family who have really felt the brunt of this crisis without much ado!

That brings us to the next year.

As I said and learnt the hard way, planning for the future is for fools but I can always hope for an easier time ahead --- specially more comfort in finances , more work , more joys from my daughter as she grows up and challenges me to grow up with her and consistent improved health from my now rapidly aging parents. Also, I hope that my partner in crime, my wife, gets her due in her career. God knows that she deserves it.

Au Revoir and wish you all a very happy new year.